Irish Accents

I have recently become aware that I have a small, yet embarrassing problem. I seem to lack the ability to identify Irish accents. Luckily, it doesn't affect my daily life very much. Because I'm surrounded by Irish people, I usually don't have to ask them where they developed that exotic accent. I can just assume they're Irish... until they tell me otherwise. The trouble usually occurs when I'm watching movies or TV. I guess my brain just doesn't understand that there are Irish people outside the roles of cereal salesmen, priests, and pirates (arrghh-- that's Irish, right?). I just don't expect to see them outside of any of those situations, so I can't place them. Realizing that Keith was Irish probably went something like this (I say probably because I was too busy being embarrassed about how I had just accused him of thinking my name was Keith to remember any such conversation):

Keith: I just got off the plane from Ireland.

Me: Cool! Were you on vacation?

Keith: That's where I'm from... You can probably tell from my accent.

Me: Haha... whaaa? Ohhhh.

And now, here are a few examples of my reactions to Irish people in film.

Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood- "Why did they cast her? She doesn't even sound British!" When I saw an article about her in an Irish newspaper this summer I finally realized that she is not, in fact British.

Dylan Moran as that annoying guy from Shaun of the Dead-- "There is something very strange about the way he speaks." I recently saw him in a TV show where he was referred to as "the Irish guy," which explained a lot.

Chris O'Dowd as the cop/love interest in Bridesmaids-- "He has like a weird accent." I watched this movie with my friends while visiting Maryland a few weeks ago, so they had to inform me that he was Irish. Clearly, living in Ireland has not fixed this problem at all.

Kissing

Growing up, whenever my family went to an event that involved distant relations and their friends, my younger sister would always ask the same question-- "Am I going to have to kiss them?" At the time I didn't quite understand her anxiety. Aside from ending up with the inevitable pink lipstick residue on my cheeks there really wasn't much to worry about. Hug, kiss, walk away, and chug some Shirley Temples. Pretty straightforward, right? Not always. Kissing is part of greeting rituals in Ireland too, but unfortunately I've come to share my sister's anxiety about it. Now kissing is all worry without the Shirley Temple reward. "Do I really have to kiss them?", I ask myself. The first reason for my distress is that I don't even really want to kiss acquaintances and strangers, at least not every time I see them. I wouldn't be writing this entry if I did. I have tried distracting people with a hug or a handshake, but they always swoop back in for the peck. I know they're expecting it too, so I give in because I don't want to seem cold. The second reason is lack of kissing protocol. Some people like to do both cheeks, some people do just one, some people switch back and forth depending on the occasion. As a result, I have no idea how many kisses I'm in for. The most awkward thing is when I expect two kisses, but they only want one, so now I'm the one leaning in for an unwanted smooch while my unfortunate victim tries to fend me off. Slightly less awkward is what happens when I'm not sure which side of the face to start of with. He goes left, I go right and then it happens-- we're locking lips, ugh. I'm already pretty awkward most of the time(see below) and I don't think this kissing thing is going to help with that.